Beautiful Disaster
by Iluvbeyblade
Summary: Kai is mentally unstable. He knows it, and hates it. Ray is his boyfriend, still at school, the boy who has to cope when he can't. When things start getting tense between them, it's up to Ray to remember what brought them together.
1. Chapter 1

Well, here's yet another story that I shouldn't be starting! This was partly inspired by Yazzy's fic **Insane** which is one of the best fics I've ever read. The summary's kind of weird,I know, so I'll explain it more fully now.

Okay, this chapter is about Ray getting a concussion, and the rest should be about how him and Kai met and got together.

* * *

Ray yawned and stretched lazily. His arms found Kai's space: cold and empty. With a disgruntled hiss, he woke up slightly. Yawning widely, he tumbled out of bed and got dressed, having to stop five times to redo a button, or check that he hadn't put on odd socks again. Dragging a brush carelessly through his unruly black hair, he stood up and started going downstairs. 

He stood at the top of the stairs, breathing in the delicious smells of frying bacon coming from downstairs.

"Come on, you lazy idiot!" Kai yelled affectionately from downstairs.

"I'm coming!" Ray yelled back. He took the first step downstairs, then tripped, his hand, only loosely clenched on the banister, tightening too late.

The downstairs hallway flashed before him as he tumbled head over heels down the stairs, instinctively curling up in a ball. He would have a few bruises, but nothing worse, he thought with relief. He made the mistake of relaxing slightly, his head coming out from his tight ball. With horror, he saw the large wooden step attatched to the banister, no one knew what for, approaching rapidly. He let out a terrifed scream, then-

_CRACK! _His head thudded into the corner of the wooden step and bounced off. A blinding pain shot through his head and he passed out.

* * *

"Ray? Ray, can you hear me?" Ray forced his eyes to open, hearing the scared note in Kai's voice. 

"Uh-huh..." he said faintly. The blur that was Kai's face changed colour in the middle, as Kai grinned with relief.

"Ray, you stupid bastard, don't you _dare _do anything like that _ever_ again!" he said tenderly, running a hand gently over Ray's forehead. Ray blinked a couple of times, his vision clearing.

"Don't worry, I won't."

"How do you feel?" Kai asked softly. "Any pain?"

"No." It was true, Ray thought. All he had was a slight headache, and a sick, numbing feeling that was spreading throughout his entire body.

"Come on, " Kai said, taking Ray's hand. "Let's get you to bed." He pulled slightly. Ray didn't move.

"Can't I just stay here...I feel pretty tired..." Ray murmured, closing his eyes. Kai looked down at him, seriously worried now.

"Ray, I don't think that you should go to school today." he told him. Ray opened his eyes a crack.

"Don't be ridiculous. I just need to sleep...I'll be fine after that." Kai bit his lip.

"Fine." he sighed. "But you can't go to sleep down here." Ray shrugged weakly and closed his eyes again. Kai sat down on the floor and gently manouvered Ray's head on to his lap. Ray wriggled slightly and let out a pleased hum. Reassured, Kai leaned back against the wall and waited patiently for Ray to wake up.

* * *

Ray walked slowly into the school corridor. 

"Hey, Ray!" He turned to see a slightly younger boy come hurtling down the corridor. Tyson Granger was one of the very few pupils who had absolutely no problem with Ray being gay, maybe because his brother, Max, was. When Ray had first come to the school, he had learned to his cost that it was sometimes better to keep your mouth shut.

"Oh, hi, Tyson." Another thing that people had a problem with was the fact that Kai was a year older than Ray, and on medication almost constantly. Once again, this didn't bother Tyson in the slightest.

"Ray, are you okay? You look kinda...I dunno...shaky. You got a headache or something?" Ray gave him a faint smile.

"Yeah, a bit. I fell down the stairs this morning." He pulled a face. Tyson laughed.

"Ow! Bet that hurt!" Ray nodded.

"It hurt a bit. Kai tried to make me stay home, but I've got my mocks this week. I can't afford to miss anything." Tyson nodded in understanding.

"How is Kai?" he asked.

"Kai's...okay...now." Tyson blinked.

"Put that in English." he suggested. Ray sighed.

"His grandfather managed to send him another letter a couple of days ago, I don't know how. Wish I did. Mr Dickenson, you know him?" Tyson nodded. "He's been trying to figure out how he sent it. I did tell you that he's Kai's guardian until he turns eighteen, didn't I?" Tyson nodded again. "Kai tried to kill himself again after he read it, but I found him and stopped him in time. I think he was quite glad, really. He doesn't really want to kill himself, he just doesn't know any other way of dealing with it. They changed his prescription afterwards, so he's been a bit anxious for the past few days, which was why I didn't want to worry him." He sighed again, and closed his eyes briefly.

"It's hard, isn't it?" Tyson said quietly. "Coping with that sort of thing with just the two of you." Ray nodded. The shrill jangle of the bell broke the companionable silence. Tyson groaned loudly. "Okay, here comes another dead boring day at school. See you in PE!" Ray nodded again, waving as Tyson dashed away to his form room. He gave a slight chuckle as he turned and walked towards his own form room, only a few doors down. It was typical of Tyson's "all or nothing" attitude. The only class that Tyson actually liked, he ended up taking the GCSE a year early! He rubbed his throbbing head, and went into his form room.

Slowly, Ray got off his chair, his head immeadiately kicking up a violent protest. The past two hours of non-stop revision really hadn't done anything for his headache. It felt as if something was trying to push its way out. He groaned quietly in part annoyance, part pain, and went to break.

"Hey, lookie here! Here comes the faggot! Hello, you arse-fucker!" Coarse laughter ground into Ray's tender skull. He gritted his teeth and tried to ignore the gang which tormented his days.

"I'm not in the mood." he said calmly.

"Not in the mood? Not in the mood for what, may I ask? Were you looking us up, huh? Huh? Answer me, you fucking poof-" A yell of pain cut off the taunt, and the bully bent double.

"He said he wasn't in the mood. That means you leave him alone." Tyson said through tightly clenched teeth. "Or the next one'll be harder, you got that?"

"Who're you, his bodyguard or summing?"

"No, I'm his friend. Fighting scum like you is beneath him, but I'm not so choosy." Anger made Tyson's dark brown eyes go almost black, his whole body quivering. The gang backed off hurriedly, muttering obscentites. Tyson turned to Ray, breathing hard. "Sorry for interfering, mate, but they're the same people who used to beat the hell outta Max, so I've got a bit of a personal vendetta, you could say." He took a step forwards, his face creasing with concern. "Hey, are you all right? You're as white as a ghost!" Ray nodded weakly and muttered something along the lines of his headache being a bit worse. "A bit worse, I'll say it is!" He took hold of Ray's arm. "Come on," He started tugging him down the corridor. Confused, Ray didn't put up any resistance.

Tyson pushed open the library door.

"Hey, Max, you in here?" he said in a loud whisper.

"Yep. What is it, Ty? Oh, hi Ray!" Ray gave the blond-haired boy a strained smile. Tyson led him over to where Max and a petite dark green-haired boy, whose name Ray vaguely remembered as Kevin, were sitting.

"Ray's got a bit of a headache, so I brought him in here."

"Yeah, it's quieter in here," Max agreed. "Sit down, Ray." He patted the seat next to him. Ray collapsed into the soft, comfortable chair and closed his eyes.

"So, why're you two in here, then?" he asked, resting his aching head on his folded arms. The soothing darkness of the little cocoon he had created eased his headache slightly, making him feel alert again.

"Safer." Kevin said bluntly. Ray raised his head, blinking in the light.

"Safer?" he said questioningly. Kevin nodded.

"Uh-huh. No one's quite forgiven us for being gay yet. At least in here, we don't get yelled at."

"Or get things thrown at us." Max broke in.

"Or get thrown _at_ things." Kevin said dryly, grimacing at a memory. "Or get beaten up...the list goes on, really. You're pretty lucky. You're still a relatively new element here, people are still wary of you." Ray made a non-commital noise and put his head down on his outstretched arm.

"How old are you two again? I know I _should_ know how old you are, Max, but..." He trailed off.

"Hey, no problem. We're both fourteen." He pulled a disgusted face. "Both doing our SATS. Ugh..." He shivered. "Two weeks...urgh...horible..."

"As you can tell," Tyson grinned. "Max is _not_ looking forwards to them!" Max nodded vigorously. Kevin gave a long-suffering sigh and put his arms around Max's waist. Max leaned his head on Kevin's shoulder. Suddenly, a metallic tune blasted through the quiet library. Ray swore under his breath and dived for his school bag, yanking out his mobile phone.

"Shit, shit, shit...Yeah, Kai? What is it?"

"I just wondered how you were." Kai's voice was slightly hoarse.

"My head's aching a bit, but I'm fine, really. Revision sucks. How're you?"

"Fine..." _Oh, God,_ Ray thought, recognising the slight edge in Kai's voice. He lowered his voice and stood up, walking a few steps away from the table.

"Kai, you haven't taken your pills, have you?"

"Yes."

"Don't lie to me!"

"D-Don't yell at me!" Ray thought a _long_ stream of swearwords. If Kai was so bad he was getting scared when he, Ray, raised his voice slightly...he needed to take his pills _now_. He took a deep breath, then let it out slowly.

"Okay. I'm sorry that I yelled at you, Kai, but I know that you haven't taken your pills. You know that you need to take them, don't you?" He kept his voice soft and reassuring. The last thing he needed was for Kai to start having a panic attack.

"I don't want to."

"Well you have to." Ray said bluntly. Silence. "_Please_, Kai." He couldn't stop his voice breaking mid-word as composure fought a losing battle with pain.

"Ray? Are you all right?"

"No." A tear slid down Ray's cheek, but he brushed it away. "My head feels like someone's splitting it open with a hammer and chisel. I don't have the patience to argue with you anymore, Kai. Please, just take your pills. And...take the maximum dose." He heard Kai get up and walk around.

"Fine, I will. Do you want to come home? You sound pretty rough. I-I'll come and pick you up-"

"No. I'll live. Make sure you take your pills, and I'll see you at four." He ended the call and stood still for a few seconds, fighting down tears. _I'm sixteen. I'm not going to cry._ He felt Tyson rest a hand gently on his shoulder.

"You okay, mate?"

"No," Ray whispered, his eyes half-closed. "Not okay..." Max came up behind him and gently put his arms around him. Ray buried his head in Max's shoulder and closed his eyes, wanting to fall asleep until his head stopped hurting and everything was back to normal. All too soon, the bell rang for the end of break. Shakily, Ray raised his head, the world blurring for a second, before settling again.

"Ray," Max said softly, rubbing his back gently. "There's no way you can do PE in this state." Ray nodded slowly, wincing at the renewed pain. The phone call with Kai had removed the comfortable blanket of ignorance that he'd been hiding behind. He had to face up to the fact that this headache was really bad, and was probably something to do with his fall down the stairs.

"Yeah...you're right...I can't." he said slowly. "Tyson, will you come and tell the PE teacher with me, back me up?"

"Of course." Leaning heavily on Tyson's supporting arm, Ray walked out of the library.

* * *

"I've got a headache, sir," Ray said faintly. The PE teacher's office was stiflingly hot, and the heat was making him feel disintoriated. The PE teacher had his head in his desk and was rooting around, looking for something. 

"Yes, and so have I, but I still have to teach you bunch of idiots." he grumbled. "See how you get on." Tyson opened his mouth to make a furious retort, but Ray stopped him with a light touch on his arm.

"Leave it, Tyson." he sighed. "I'll just...have to not do too much...that's all." Tyson shot him a worried look and nodded.

Tyson pounded round the track, counting off the rhythm in his head.

_One-breathe in, two-breathe out, three-_ His breath caught as he saw a crumpled figure by the side of the track. He sped up, noticing with rising fury the people who kicked Ray as they passed him, silently remembering them. He reached his goal and knelt down beside Ray's shaking body.

"Ray?" he said quietly. "Can you hear me?"

"Go away..." came the weak reply. "I'm going to be sick, you satisfied, huh? Leave me alone...please...just go away...my head really hurts..." Tyson laid a comforting hand on Ray's arm and took a deep breath.

"_SIR_! GET OVER HERE, RIGHT _NOW_!" he bellowed. Ray moaned at the volume and shifted slightly, pain creasing his face. Tyson watched as the teacher came jogging up. "You took your time!" he snapped. The teacher's eyes flashed with anger, which quickly changed to alarm when he saw Ray.

"What's wrong with him?"

"He did _try_ to tell you he couldn't do it..._sir_." Tyson said sarcastically, staring the teacher down.

"Right. I'll sort you out later, Tyson, you can't talk to a member of staff like that, but now, let's get Ray to the medical room."

"Not before time!" Tyson snarled.

* * *

Ray opened his eyes, then shut them again instantly as bolts of pain shot through his head, making his stomach churn. 

"Ray? According to the nurse, you've got really bad concussion, okay?" Ray felt something being slipped into his hand. He forced his eyes open to see his mobile phone in his hand. Tyson's voice lowered to an almost inaudible whisper. "Phone Kai. You need to go home."

"Thanks..." Ray murmured. Without needing to open his eyes, he dialled their home number.

"Hello? Ray?" Kai was back to normal, which meant, Ray knew, as overprotective as ever.

"Kai...come to the school...I want to go home..." He started sobbing, gasping noisily.

"Oh, Ray...ssh, it's okay, I'll come." Ray looked up, feeling Tyson tapping his knee to try and get his attention.

"Can I speak to him?" he mouthed. Ray nodded and let the phone slip from his feeble grasp.

Tyson grabbed the phone before it hit the ground.

"Hello, is that Kai?" There was a long silence.

"Who is this?" came the wary response.

"I'm Tyson. Has Ray ever mentioned me?"

"Yes, he has." Kai's tone was slightly warmer now. "What is it?"

"When you come," Tyson lowered his voice again. "bring the strongest painkiller you've got. I don't think Ray is going to able to get any rest at all without something, and the school aren't allowed to give him anything."

"_What_? Why the fuck not!"

"Wish I knew. You have to know a rule to be able to break it."

"Not the way I see it." Kai hung up. Tyson slipped the phone into Ray's pocket and sat down, aware that Ray had dropped into a restless, pain-filled doze.

Ten minutes later, he heard a commotion at Reception.

"Kai!" he called. "In here!" His call woke Ray, and the boy rolled over and looked woozedly towards the entrance to the medical room.

Ray looked on in dazed surprise as Kai burst through the door and ran over to him.

"Oh shit, Ray, you had me so scared..." he murmured, stroking Ray's cheek gently. Ray raisd his arms, like a child asking for a hug. Kai obliged, stroking his painful head and murmuring soothingly. "Sh, Ray, love, sh, everything's gonna be all right." He bent down and pressed his lips to Ray's. Ray's eyes widened in surprise as he felt Kai slip something into his unresisting mouth. "It's co-dydramol." Kai whispered, almost inaudibly. "It's the strongest painkiller that it's safe to give you."

"Thanks..." Ray whispered.

"Here." Tyson handed Kai a water bottle. Kai nodded his thanks and tipped a little of it into Ray's mouth. Ray swallowed instinctively and buried deeper into the comfort of Kai's arms. Fifteen minutes later, a welcome blackness rolled over him.

* * *

Well? Opinions? GCSE's are an exam we take in Britain when we're in Year Eleven, by the way. I've got a bit more about that in my profile, if anyone's confused. Please review! Please! 


	2. Chapter 2

Well, I was going to wait a while before updating this, but I've got 13 reviews already! (squeals with happiness) So, here's the next chapter, people!

* * *

Ray opened his eyes slowly, then blinked. No blinding pain, just a dull throb, and even that seemed to be easing. He started to take in his surroundings. He was lying in bed at home, with the covers drawn up and what looked like a sick-bowl on the side table. 

"K-Kai?" he asked, his throat oddly sore.

"Ray! You're awake! Not before time, either!" Kai sat down next to him and took his hand.

"What happened...why that?" Ray questioned, gesturing to the sick-bowl.

"To get you in my car, they had to pull you upright. Your stomach didn't like it at all." Kai chuckled. His face sobered slightly. "Oh yes, Max just phoned-"

"What? What time is it?"

"Seven. You've been asleep for about six, no, maybe seven hours. Anyway, Max just phoned to say that Tyson was facing, at the least after school detentions for the rest of the year, and at the worst, expulsion." Ray gasped.

"Why?"

"Well, apparently, when you were lying on the ground outside, some people were kicking you-"

"Yes, yes, I remember that, what's that got to do with Tyson?"

"Because Tyson went round the field at lunch and beat them all up. Five are in hospital."

"Oh my God...Does Max blame me?"

"No, not at all. He's just mad with Tyson for allowing his temper to get the better of him. I gather that happens a lot?" Ray nodded, feeling shell-shocked.

"Yeah, quite a bit..." He shook his head slowly. "He's got a really quick temper, and he's really over-protective of people he likes." Kai frowned. "Oh, don't be stupid, Kai," Ray sighed. "You _know_ that he's not gay." Kai blinked once, absorbing the information, then lay down beside Ray, sliding a hand possessively up his arm.

"You're all mine..." he whispered, the sudden huskiness of his voice making Ray shiver slightly.

"You can't get horny _now_, Kai," he protested. "I stink of vomit!" He pulled away from Kai, who grunted in protest. "That's a point, I need a shower."

"Can I come in with you?" Kai pleaded. Ray sighed good-naturedly.

"If you have to. But we are _not_ having sex in the shower!" He burst out laughing at Kai's disappointed look.

Ray turned the water on, testing it with his hand. He stripped and threw his clothes in a pile on the floor. Kai had already stripped, and was testing the water again.

"Kai, you know I can't take it as hot as you can!" Ray moaned. Kai grumbled something under his breath and climbed in the bath. Ray climbed in after him.

"Could you help me rinse some of this off?" Ray asked, keeping his eyes shut tight. He heard Kai laugh.

"Do you have any idea how strange you look, with your hair all black-and-white-striped?" Still laughing, he reached up and unhooked the showerhead, turning the jet of water on to Ray's shampoo-coated hair. Ray relaxed, enjoying the feeling of the hot water running over him. Kai gently massaged his head, turning it this way and that. The flow of soapy white suds slowed, and Kai's hands began to move.

"Kai..." It was a weak protest. He was warm, comfortable, and naked. All coherent thoughts were disappearing with the bathwater.

"Yes?" Kai's breath tickled his ear. Ray spun round, nearly falling on the slick surface of the bath, and kissed him passionately. Kai's hands moved to cup his head, pressing him closer. They sank down to the floor of the bath, still kissing fiercely.

An hour later, Ray lay dreamily in Kai's arms. It had been Kai's excellent idea to put the plug in, so Ray was now lying comfortably in the deliciously warm water. He stroked Kai's cheek, shivering as Kai bit his fingers gently.

"Bad Kai." he whispered. Kai said nothing, simply pulling Ray closer still. Ray smiled, wondering what people would think if they could see them now. Especially the so-called "experts" who had said that Kai would never be able to love, that his grandfather had damaged him too badly. Screw them. He closed his eyes and let himself float back in time, remembering the very first time he had ever seen Kai.

_

* * *

The twelve year-old Ray walked nervously towards the hospital, resisting the hideously uncool urge to hold his father's hand. _

_"Will Mum be okay to talk, Dad?" His father nodded distractedly._

_"Yes, of course, Ray. She'll be delighted to see you." Ray smiled slightly, reassured._

_"Cool. When will she be coming out?" His father sighed._

_"How many times, Ray, I don't **know**? Some time in the next few months. but she'll still be in a-"_

_"Wheelchair, yeah, I know!" Ray snapped. "I was there when the bloody doctor told you, wasn't I?"_

_"Don't swear in front of me!"_

_"I'm not in front of you, I'm beside you!" Ray smirked. His father groaned softly and rubbed his temples._

_"I can't **cope** with you, Ray, will you **please** try to behave?" Ray said nothing, hiding his real thoughts, as he had been doing for the past three months. He didn't want to make his father so unhappy, but he just hated his life at the moment. All his friends had girlfriends, but he didn't like any of the girls that they kept on trying to introduce to him, his marks were going down the drain, and he had't had a full night's sleep since his mum's accident. He stomped through the hospital doors and waited impatiently while his dad talked to the receptionist._

_"Ray?"_

_"What?"_

_"I need to go and have a talk with the doctor about Mum. Can you go and stay in the waiting room?"_

_"Oh, **what**?"_

_"Please, Ray." With a sigh, Ray headed towards the waiting room._

_Angrily, he stormed in and threw himself down on to one of the hard blue plastic chairs. A few minutes of silent fuming later, he became aware that somebody else was in the room with him. He looked up. On the other side of the room was another boy, Ray judged him to be about thirteen. With a vague idea of striking up a conversation, Ray got up and went over to him, his shoes squeaking on the floor._

_"Hi," he said, sitting down next to the boy. "What's your name?" The boy's strange crimson eyes flickered to him for a second, then away again, staring intently at the blank wall in front of him. Ray tried again. "I'm Ray. You are?" Once again, the boy had definitely heard him, because he made brief eye contact before going back to staring at the wall. Ray sighed. "Oh. You don't like talking." He yawned, bored, and started looking properly at the strange boy._

_His crimson eyes glowed in a pale, almost white face, marred by four blue triangle tattoos, two on each cheek. His hair, which was spiked up at the front a little bit like Ray's, was two colours. The front part, the spiked up part, was light blue. But it wasn't just light blue, it almost looked as though it had silver in it as well. Odd. The rest of it was dark blue. He was wearing black jeans and a grey, longsleeved T-shirt, the dark colours draining what little colour there was from his face. From what Ray could see of his physique, he had some definite muscles. Yet despite the muscles, his whole body emmited wariness, almost to the point of paronia._

_"Kai." the boy said suddenly, forcing it out._

_"That's your name?" Ray asked cautiously. Kai nodded shortly, still refusing to meet Ray's gaze for more than a few seconds. "Okay. Hello, Kai." Ray stretched out his hand for Kai to shake. He wouldn't do this normally, but he didn't know if Kai would respond to any other forms of greeting. Kai stared at the outstretched hand for what felt like a long time. Eventually, he reached slowly out and, with a quick glance around, slipped his hand around Ray's._

_His grip was tentative and cold. Ray smiled encouragingly at him, and decided to try for some more conversation._

_"How old are you?" he asked. Instantly, Kai's eyes started wandering again, looking around the room. But Ray had worked something out. Kai wasn't looking round the room aimlessly, he was checking to make sure that it was safe. He waited for the checking to finish, realising that Kai's hand was still holding his, his grip a little more confident now. He thought about sliding his hand out, but decided against it, since Kai seemed to feel more secure like that. Plus, no one else was around to see, so what the heck?_

_"Thirteen." came the abrupt answer. Ray nodded._

_"Cool. I'm twelve." They sat in silence for few minutes. Ray could tell by Kai's restlessness that he was getting ready to speak._

_"You look like a girl." Kai stated. Ray's eyes blazed with anger at the inoccent comment. He didn't see Kai cringing away, eyes widening in fear._

_"Yes. I. Know." he ground out through clenched teeth. He knew that he looked like a girl. His black hair was long and thick, and he wore spiked it up in a wrap which took at least an hour to set up, because when he didn't even the teachers would do a double take when they saw him. His face was fine-boned and delicate, with soft, full lips and long eyelashes. He was slim, and weighed nearly two stone less than some of the boys in his year. Yes, he knew he looked like a girl. He just wished that it wasn't the first thing anyone ever noticed about him. _

_He came out of his resentful thoughts to see Kai a few seats away, checking the room again, fear clear in his eyes, looking everywhere but at Ray. He was curled up in a ball, hugging his legs to him. Realisng that he must have scared Kai somehow, Ray got off his seat and knelt down in front of Kai._

_"I'm sorry if I scared you, Kai. It's just, I don't like being told that I look like a girl. Shake?" He offered Kai his hand. Kai's eyes rested on it for a few seconds, then jerked away, the fear slightly less, but clearly still too fierce to allow him to hold Ray's hand again. Ray bit his lip. Damn his temper! Despite how little they had acually comunicated, he had found himself liking Kai. And now it was all messed up. Damn..._

_"I'm...sorry..." Ray blinked as Kai's fingers touched his for a brief moment, his whisper loud in the silent room._

_"Why are **you** sorry?" he asked bluntly._

_"You don't like being compared to a girl...sorry...I'm stupid..."_

_"No, you're not! Never think that!" Ray said fiercely. "How were you to know? Anyway, it's true. I do look like a girl." Kai stared at him, meeting his gaze straight on for the first time. He blinked slowly, a small, nervous smile creeping over his pale face. Ray smiled back and offered Kai his hand again. Kai took it._

Ray smiled and rolled over, nuzzling into Kai's chest. Yep, that had been the very first time that he had ever seen Kai. He scowled suddenly. If it had been up to his dickhead father, it would have been the last.

_Ray heard his father's deep voice down the corridor and groaned. He didn't want to have to leave. Him and Kai were making up for lost conversation time, and although nobody could call Kai talkative, he was talking quite animatedly, for him. His father appeared in the doorway. He felt Kai wrench his hand from his grip and jerk away, stiffening in fear._

_"Ray, hurry up!" his father snapped, looking with distaste at Kai. Ray glared at him, not even bothering to answer, looking worriedly at Kai. The crimson-eyed boy was humming tunelessly under his breath, tapping his fingers repetively against the chair, shooting terrified glances at Ray's father._

_"Kai?" No response, not even any recognition that he had heard. "Okay then. 'Bye." Ray said sadly, standing up and walking over to his father. As they left the room, a forced, hurried voice called after them,_

_"'Bye, Ray." Ray turned to reply, but was pulled back by his father._

_"Hey!" he said fiercely. "Let me go!" His father bent down until they were nearly touching noses._

_"I forbid you to talk to that boy again. I don't want you associating with him, understand?" Ray blinked, momentarily taken aback._

_"Why?" His father snorted in exasperation._

_"Ray, the boy's obviously a few sandwiches short of a pinic. You don't want to know a boy like that. He's more trouble than he's worth!" Ray's eyes blazed amber. He was furious, more than he had ever been before, with **anyone**._

_"Kai isn't like that!" he spat, then turned and ran ahead, wanting to get as far away from his father as possible._

* * *

Ray growled deep in his throat, his eyes narrowing with remembered anger. 

"What is it?" Kai asked softly.

"Remembering." Ray said simply.

"Oh." Kai got out of the bath and started to dry himself. "You want to carry on remembering in bed?" Ray smiled.

"Yeah, okay. What's up, you tired?" Kai nodded, blinking sleepily.

Ray slipped under the covers, snuggling up to Kai and wrapping his arms around him.

"'Night..." Kai murmured, his voice thick with tiredness.

"'Night," Ray replied, and went back to remembering.

_

* * *

Ray trailed behind his father as they walked through the hospital doors again. _

_"Ray, if I catch you talking to that Kai boy again you're grounded for two months, do you hear me?" his father demanded. Ray nodded, not really listening._

_Once again, the doctor needed to tak to Ray's father, so Ray went off to sit in the waiting room without much hope. It had been a month and five visits since they had met._

_He walked in, his face lighting up at the sight of the boy sitting on the same chair as before._

_"Kai!" he exclaimed. Kai turned to face him, a slow, uncertain smile creeping across his pale face. Ray walked over and stretched out a hand. Kai took it._

_"Sit down." Kai suggested at last. Ray obliged, sitting down next to him. He blinked in surprise as Kai leaned over and hugged him tightly, burying his face in Ray's yellow T-shirt._

_"Kai? Are you all right?" he asked. Kai shook his head, screwing his eyes up. Casting a quick glance around the empty room, Ray hugged him back, resting his head on top of Kai's. "Ssh, 's okay. Everything's gonna be fine." he soothed, unsure why he was saying this, but knowing that it was calming Kai down._

_Ten minutes later, a nurse popped her head round the doorway._

_"Kai? Do you want to come through?" she asked. Kai started to tremble. Ray rubbed his back soothingly, looking in confusion as the nurse sighed and disappeared. She re-appeared a few seconds later with four burly male nurses in tow. Kai saw them and let out a cry of fear, pressing himself against Ray as if the younger boy could somehow make it all go away._

_"Kai?" the nurse asked again. "Come on." She reached out a hand towards him. Kai looked away. "Kai, come now. You don't want to be dragged in again, do you?" Kai ignored her. The nurse stood up. "Right. Don't say I didn't warn you." The male nurses moved forwads, grasping hold of Kai and trying to pull him from Ray. Kai clung to the back of the seat, keening like a frightened animal. He let go and swung a punch at the nearest nurse. _

_"Stop it! You're scaring him!" Ray cried, standing up._

_"Stay out of this, kid." one of the nurses advised him. Ray ignored him, going up to the blur of arms and legs that was Kai and two of the nurses. Suddenly, a blow caught him round the side of the head. He stumbled and fell, the world spinning sickeningly._

_"Ray!" The panicked cry ripped through the sounds of the fighting. Kai tore himself free of the fight and flung himself at Ray, kneeling down beside him. "Ray, you okay?" he asked anxiously. Ray forced a faint smile onto his face, rubbing at his aching head._

_"I'm fine, Kai." he answered. Unconvinced, Kai felt Ray's head gently._

_"Sure?" he asked, staring intently at Ray._

_"Yes, I'm positive." Ray assured him. "Now, you should go with the nurse."_

_"No!"_

_"What about if I come with you?" he suggested. Kai blinked uncertainly._

_"O-Okay..." he mumbled, his voice shaking. Ray smiled reassuringly and stood up unsteadily, rubbing his head and wincing. He held out his hand to Kai, who was staring fixedly at the wall again, his eyes blank. With a sigh, the nurses moved forwards again._

_"No, let me try." Ray told them. He walked over and sat directly in Kai's line of view. "Kai? It's me, Ray." He paused, unsure of what to say. "Don't be scared, okay? Injections aren't that bad." After what seemed like hours, Kai's gaze slowly focused on Ray._

_"Don't...want it," he said thickly, tears glittering in the corners of his eyes. "Don't...like it."_

_"I know," Ray whispered, never breaking eye contact. "It'll all be over soon, okay?" He stood. "Coming?"_

* * *

"Ray? Ray, talk to me!" Ray snapped out of his thoughts instantly, meeting Kai's terrified gaze. "Y-You were just lying there - and you couldn't hear me - and - and..." Ray hugged the older boy tightly. He took hold of his hand and placed it over his chest, so that Kai could feel his heart beating. The older boy was shaking violently and making broken little whimpering noises of fright, his body rigid. 

"Ssh, Kai, ssh, it's okay, I was just thinking, that's all...ssh, calm down, come on, deep breaths..." He heard Kai mumbling under his breath, counting Ray's heartbeats to try and reassure himself. "That's it, I'm still here, see?" Ray stroked his hair soothingly and kissed his cheek lightly. "I'm always here, Kai, you know that, don't you?" Kai nodded and looked trustingly down at Ray, the shudders racking his frame slowing.

"Always here." he repeated, and kissed Ray on the cheek in return. They stayed like that for over an hour.

"I'm sorry, Ray. I-I knew you were thinking, I just...panicked. I'm sorry." The earlier childish quality to Kai's voice had gone, along with his fear. Now, only shame at what he saw as his own stupidity showed that he was even the same boy.

"It's okay, Kai, it's my fault. I should have known that it would scare you."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't have to!" Kai burst out. "If I wasn't so messed up, you wouldn't have to go through all this whenever I get spooked at something that a normal person wouldn't give a second's thought to!" He rolled away, the anger at himself like a palpable force in the air. "But then, I'm not normal, am I? Spent thirteen years with h-h-hi-hi-hi- God, I can't even _say_ it!" The shouted words hung in the air, making Ray's heart ache.

"I love you, Kai. That's all that I care about." he said softly, hugging Kai awkwardly from behind. Kai tensed up automatically, then rolled back over and returned the embrace.

"Love you too, Ray," he whispered.

* * *

What did everyone think? I was originally trying to make Kai autistic, but it's kind of changed into autism mixed with Down's Syndrome mixed with multiple-personality disorder...0.o' Poor guy. (snickers) Please, please review! Next chapter will take a while - sorry! (cringes) Review anyway, please! 


	3. Chapter 3

I'm so sorry for the wait, I lost all inspiration for this only a few days after posting it, and this is my rather pathetic efforts to get the fic back up and running again. I mean, my damn _profile_ is about this length!

Read on!

* * *

Ray put the phone down.

"Who were you talking to?" Kai inquired curiously.

"School. I'm taking a day off."

"Oh. Why?" Ray stopped and looked into Kai's beautiful wine-red eyes for a few seconds, then shook his head and sighed.

"Because I daren't leave you on your own." Kai scowled.

"Why?" he demanded again. Ray stood up and began to walk away. Panic consumed Kai and he got up and hurried over to Ray, hugging him as a lonely child would. "Don't go!" he begged. Ray smiled gently.

"That's why. You've had a hard few days, Kai, and now you just want me around, don't you?" Feeling as if he ought to be ashamed of that, Kai nodded sheepishly and looked away. "It's okay, Kai." Ray soothed. "I _want_ to be around you." Kai smiled, a small, timid expression.

* * *

The doorbell rang. Ray got up and went to answer it, wondering who it was and all too aware of Kai following him around like a lost puppy.

"Oh, hey Tyson!" Tyson grinned.

"Hi! Heard you're skipping school?" Ray shrugged. "Kai?"

"Yeah... So, why aren't you at school?"

"Excluded for a week." Tyson said cheerfully. Ray gasped. "What? It's not like I care. Oh, hi Kai!" He waved to the older boy, who was peering nervously over Ray's shoulder. Kai mumbled something indistinctly and buried his face in Ray's neck shyly. Tyson looked at Ray, puzzled.

"I'll tell you later, okay? Want to come in?" Tyson nodded eagerly.

"Please! Gramps has said that I'm not allowed back in the house 'til I apologise for beating up those idiots, and as _that's_ not gonna happen any time soon..." He shrugged and trailed off.

"Oh, God, Tyson, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault-"

"Yeah, yeah, don't beat yourself up over it!" Tyson said easily. "Doesn't matter. Max and Kev say hi, by the way." Ray moved back and let him into the flat.

"Cool. Tell them I said hi back."

"Will do."

"You want anything to drink?" Ray asked. Tyson nodded. "Yeah, please. You got any Coke?"

"Plenty. What about you, Kai?" He felt the head on his shoulder move in the affirmative. "Okay, two Cokes, and I think I'll have a lemonade..." He went into the kitchen, swearing as he accidentally trod on Kai's foot. "Damn! Sorry, Kai!"

"It's okay," came the soft response. Ray busied himself with making the drinks, quelling the frustrated sigh that wanted to come out.

Ray handed Tyson his drink and sat down. Kai instantly sat down next to him and curled up in a ball after downing his drink in one greedy gulp.

"So, Kai, what's up with you?" Tyson asked suddenly. Kai gave a startled yelp and stared at Tyson with a confused expression.

"Um…nothing…" he answered cautiously. He rested his head on Ray's shoulder. "Ray? Is there something up with me?"

"I'll explain, okay?" Kai nodded, satisfied. Ray always made everything better.

Ray looked across at Tyson, and allowed himself to sigh at last. "It's just Kai," he muttered, shrugging. "He's fine normally, your average seventeen year-old, then he gets upset and you get the scared seven year-old that wants reassuring all the time. Only when he's really upset, though."

"What upset him?" Ray rolled his eyes.

"You want a list? First, like I said, his grandfather wrote to him, then his medication got changed, then I scared the living daylights out of him with yesterday's little fiasco. Frankly, I'm proud he's only reacting now." He coloured under Tyson's incredulous gaze. "What?" Tyson shook his head in awed disbelief.

"I don't know how you cope, pal,"

"Yeah," Ray looked distractedly at Kai and unconsciously drew him closer, producing a muttered protest. "Neither do I."

"How long have you been together again?"

"We've known each other for four years. I don't actually know when we were "together" as such, it's kind of hard to work out…" Ray trailed off, shaking his head in puzzlement. "It just kind of…evolved." Tyson nodded, trying to look like he understood. "What are you doing for GCSE again?" Ray asked, changing the subject with no small amount of relief.

"Um…" Tyson scratched his head and frowned. "I can never remember…um, PE, Resistant Materials, Geography, ICT…um…um…damn…"

"French?"

"Get lost! No frickin' way!"

"History?"

"Ditto. Never."

"Drama?" Ray chuckled at the mere thought. Tyson gave him a friendly-ish glare. "Okay, okay…Graphics?" Tyson's face lit up.

"Yeah! That's it!" He grinned happily and drained the remainder of his Coke. "You?"

"Drama, French, History, Business Studies and PE." Ray recited. Tyson blinked.

"Wow. Coursework." he said eventually. Ray groaned. "Don't remind me." he moaned theatrically. Tyson grinned again. "It's your funeral, mate!"

"Shut up!" Ray muttered, all too aware of Kai suddenly tensing up at the word "funeral." Tyson shrugged unapologetically.

"Hey, Kai?" Kai looked at Tyson enquiringly. "Are you any good at maths?"

"Yeah," Kai answered, his face lighting up.

"Good. Wanna do my maths homework?" Ray groaned. Tyson and Kai grinned at each other in a conspirital kind of way.

"Sure." Kai got off the sofa and went over to where Tyson was digging in his bag without so much as a backwards glance at Ray.

Ray blinked. Okay, that was...unexpected. Gave him some free time, though. Getting up, he went to get a book that he had been meaning to start for a while. He sat down on his bed and opened the book. His eyes scanned the first few pages restlessly, then he gave up and leaned back comfortably on the bed.

There had been an awkwardness growing between Kai and him for a while now, and it hadn't helped that Kai's reaction was to blame himself for everything. They had been arguing too much recently: yesterday was the first time in nearly two weeks that he had got closer to the older teen than an apologetic hug. It seemed like every comment either of them made came back to Kai's mental state.

He sighed and stared blankly at the wall. It was the time of year…always a fraught time for the older teen. Always had been, right from the start…

"Want my phone number, Kai?" he asked the older boy. Kai shrugged.

_"Okay, if you want," he mumbled._

_"No Kai, I'm asking your opinion. Do you or not?" Kai looked straight at him and blinked rapidly, his signal for total incomprehension. Ray sighed. Grabbing Kai's wrist, he pulled his hand up, then forced it open and placed the scrap of paper that he had written on inside Kai's tentative grip. Clearly frightened by the violent movements, Kai was staring to the side and trembling slightly. Ray loosened his grip, then froze, feeling ridges under his fingers, under the tight material of the long-sleeved T-shirt. Slowly, nervously, he began to roll up Kai's sleeve._

_"No!" Before Ray knew what was happening, Kai was on the other side of the room, his crimson eyes flaming with anger. "Don't touch me!" the boy hissed, his teeth bared in a grotesque parody of a smile. Ray stared fearfully, taken completely by surprise. Kai appeared to regain his composure, his face taking on a closed-off, unapproachable expression. "Sorry, Ray," He tried to smile, but it twisted, and what came out was a nasty smirk. "I'm so sorry." As Ray watched, speechless, Kai turned and walked away._

_A few days later:_

_"Hello?"_

_"Ray?"_

_"Kai? Hi, how are you?"_

_"I-I'm okay, thanks." A long pause followed._

_"Why did you phone, anyway?"_

_"Dunno. Lonely, maybe." A strained laugh came across the phone-line. Ray laughed back._

_"Cool. You wanna meet up somewhere, then?" An even longer pause followed._

_"I don't know...I'd have to ask..." Suddenly, a new voice came into the conversation._

_"Who are you talking to, boy?"_

_"N-No-one, grandfather..." There was a loud thump, and Ray could catch only snatches of the following conversation._

_"Stupid...worthless...what...tell you...good-for-nothing..." Suddenly, the phone was picked up again, and heavy, unsteady breathing could be heard._

_"Sorry, Ray...I c-can't talk to you any more..."_

_"What the- Kai! Kai?" The phone bleeped at him, mockingly, it seemed. Ray shuddered, feeling cold suddenly. Something felt very wrong about that. Why had Kai been told off for simply talking to him?_

Running his hands through his hair in frustration, Ray got up and went to get his Drama coursework, passing Tyson - lazily flicking through television channels - and Kai - head bent, apparently thoroughly enjoying himself with Tyson's homework.

_You never seem happy with _me_ nowadays_, he thought resentfully.

* * *

Well? Should I continue this, or just delete it? I'm getting ideas for it back slowly, but it depends whether all you lot are still intrested! Please review and let me know! 


	4. Chapter 4

It's here at last! A massive thank you to **Chibi Fye**, **rikku001**, **Katsutoshi96**, **Platinum Rei**, **a-devoted-life**, **Evan AtumnBlue**, **Kai's kitty**, **spookpook1**, **kris the ninja pirate**, **Kaei Kon**, **chibirei1227**, **not the usual baka**, **Nienna Angel**, **Apple Senorita**, **hieinkurama**, **zekesbabe**, **Mrs. Foxx**, **WhisperingNights**, **Dark Phoenix** for reviewing!!

I know this update is unbelievably, disgustingly late, please forgive me and pay homage to the girl who has nagged me constantly into attempting another chapter of a fic that I thought was dead; massive glomps go to **zekesbabe** for her (eventually) greatly appreciated efforts.

Please enjoy this chapter.

* * *

Ray opened the door and struggled to keep his eyes from widening in shock.

"Mum?" he said, a question in his voice. _Go away!_ he screamed mentally. An older, wearier version of his own eyes looked past him and his mother swept past, ignoring him until she was inside with her shoes off and coat hung neatly over the wicker chair that stood in the hallway. "What are you doing here?" Ray asked, trying to keep his tone marginally polite. "I have coursework to do, you know."

"I won't stay long, Ray. I just thought I'd come round and check on you. Is a mother not allowed to worry about her child for once?"

"You only worry about me when it suits you." Ray muttered under his breath.

"What did you say, Ray?"

"Nothing. Could you hurry up? I'm busy."

He didn't mean to be so rude to her, he never did, but her patronising reaction to his sexuality and current situation was harder to stand than his father's complete disgust. At least his father didn't come over and interfere every few weeks. Grinding his teeth, he followed his mother into the kitchen.

"Ah, hello Kai!" Ray let loose a mental barrage of obscenities. There was a pause.

"Mrs Kon." Kai's tone was so curt that even Ray winced.

"Why must you always be so impolite to me?" Mrs Kon lamented. "I came over, concerned for you boys' well-being, and this is what I get!" She threw her hands up in the air. "My own son looks at me as though I'm the Grim Reaper, and his boyfriend treats me like I'm something he scraped off the bottom of his-"

"Yes mum, sorry mum," Ray gabbled quickly. Peering past his mother's considerable bulk, he could see Kai doing the washing-up, his eyes narrow with irritation. "You caught us at a bad time, that's all."

"Why? Were you and Kai doing something that I'm not allowed to see?" Her thin, short eyelashes batted in what she clearly imagined was a coy manner. Ray went hot all over with embarrassment, and, although he would never admit it to anyone; longing for exactly the kind of activities that were no doubt going through his mother's mind.

"No!" he hissed.

"I've been doing this for the past half an hour. As far as I'm aware, washing up has never been something that you're not allowed to see," Kai said tartly.

"No, of course not, forgive me. I'm glad to see you two aren't hopeless in domestic matters!"

Ray wanted to die. He wanted to curl up in a ball and _die_. Or failing that, grab this … this _person_ who called herself his mother and physically throw her out of the house. She was enjoying tormenting him, he could tell. There was a hint of laughter in her voice as she spoke that he knew Kai could hear as well. As he watched, the older teen's knuckles whitened briefly.

"Did you have a reason for invading our privacy?" Kai demanded.

"As a matter of fact, yes, I do. I wanted to check with the two of you how you are doing for money. Remind me what means you have of bringing in a satisfactory income?" This question was directed specifically at Kai, as the sudden hardening of her voice showed.

"Mum, is this really necessary-"

"As I've told you _plenty_ of times, Mrs Kon, my late grandmother's money is more than enough to keep us. And if it was ever necessary, I'm sure that Mr Dickenson wouldn't mind lending us some cash to tide us over for a while."

"You should get a job, though. Even if it was just to supplement this little inheritance. What happens if Ray wants to go to university, hm? You'll need to have a lot of extra cash all of a sudden." Colour slowly spread across Kai's face.

"You know full that I don't work." he growled eventually.

"And I don't want to go to uni, and that's years away, anyway." Ray said hurriedly.

"You should always plan ahead for these things, angel." Her tone softened.

"Don't call me angel!" Ray protested, his face a deep scarlet.

"After all, what happens if this inheritance runs out before you've finished your studies? What will you do then; living with a boy who's mentally unsuitable for standard employment?" Her eyes flashed scorn.

Ray's temper snapped. No one insulted Kai in front of him and got away unscathed, not even his mother.

"Mum, I want you to leave. Right now." She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Don't you think that you're over-reacting somewhat? I was just stating a -"

"He wanted you to leave," Kai repeated tonelessly. Putting down the dishcloth, he wiped his hands on his black jeans and walked slowly over to the middle-aged woman until they were only a few inches apart. "I suggest you do as he said."

As he watched his mother hurry down the path, Ray felt a momentary twinge of jealousy that people listened so much more to Kai than they did to him. Of course they did, he rationalised. Who would you listen to, a tall, muscled, dangerous-looking seventeen year-old, or a sixteen year-old long-haired neko-jin?

God, his _mother_… He covered his face with both hands and groaned softly. He knew that it was wrong to hate your own kin, but somehow, knowing that really didn't help.

A cool hand brushed lightly against his cheek.

"You're hot," Kai commented flatly. "Shaking, too."

"Two hundred points for observation." Ray mumbled, choosing to keep his hands over his face. "She's just so _awful_. I'm so sorry you had to put up with her."

"As you should be." Temper flared again in Ray, and he jerked his head up.

"Well, sor-_ry_!"

"Why didn't you tell me she was coming?" Kai demanded.

"I didn't know!" Ray shot back, his voice rising.

"Well next time, keep her away from me, all right?" Kai's voice rose to match his. "I've got a headache, there's a temporary problem with Grandmother's money, and the last thing I need right now is your cow of a mother telling me I'm mentally incapable of looking after her precious son!" Silence echoed the words back at him.

"I look after you more than you look after me!" Ray snarled back at last, his eyes glittering with fury.

"Don't you start!" Kai yelled at the top of his voice. Ray bolted forward and grabbed hold of Kai as he turned, wanting to hurt him, needing to let out the monster that raged inside him. He tightened his grip on Kai's wrists, digging his fingers in mercilessly. Kai cried out and pulled away so violently that they both overbalanced. With a final, enraged glare at Ray, Kai stalked to their room and slammed the door viciously.

Ray watched with a kind of wild recklessness.

"You deserved everything you got!" he shouted suddenly, before slamming both hands over his mouth, reality washing over him in an icy wave. "Shit. Kai, I'm so, so sorry, that wasn't meant to come out-"

"Oh, so you were thinking it?" was the venomous reply. "Stay the fuck away from me!"

"Kai, I'm sorry-"

"Go away!" Kai yelled. The dying sparks of Ray's vicious temper flared back up again.

"Fine! See how you cope!" he screamed. Trembling all over, he turned and walked out of the door, slamming it behind him.

----------

Ray looked a little to the side of Tyson's head, unable to met his friend's innocently curious gaze.

"Mind if I come over for a bit?" he asked at last.

"Sure." A puzzled expression on his face, Tyson moved aside.

Not feeling his feet touch the floor, Ray walked through the door. He clung to the last, fading shreds of his anger desperately, unwilling to come to terms with what had just happened. Vaguely, he heard Tyson speaking to him, but nothing sank in until Tyson took hold of his arm.

"Ray, pal? You wanna sit down?" Not waiting for a reply, Tyson pulled him along and pushed him gently down onto what felt like a comfortable sofa.

"What's up with Ray?" he heard Max ask softly.

"Dunno. He just turned up like this. Ray, you okay?" Drawing in a shaky breath, Ray managed a weak, forced smile.

"Been better, Ty." His voice caught in his throat and he swallowed.

"What's up? Something happen with Kai?" At the mention of his boyfriend's name, Ray nearly crumpled there and then. Putting his face firmly in his hands, he shook his head from side to side and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes, watching the colours flash.

"I don't want to talk about it," he muttered at last. Despite Max's whispered pleading to leave it, Tyson's concern for his friend overrode his common sense.

"Was it Kai? Did he hurt you?" Ray shook his head again, so violently this time that his neck clicked painfully. Kai would never hurt mehe explained mentally, too cowardly to say it out loud. I hurt him, he thought miserably. I took everything that I knew, all his weaknesses, and threw them at him, all because he was stressed-out and probably tired, and dared to raise his voice to me.

"I'm a fucking idiot." he muttered out loud. He could practically hear both boys' surprise; he didn't swear. Not normally.

"Do you want us to go away?" Max asked at last. Ray shrugged.

"Yeah." he said at last. He couldn't handle questions right now; he needed time to give himself a thorough mental beating. Slowly, reluctantly, the younger boys stood and walked away, left him sitting there, staring numbly at the floor.

----------

_Ray swung backwards and forwards, head tipped back, eyes shut. His coat flapped in the wind created by the movement of the swing, and he quickly refastened it around his thin frame and telling school jumper - not that a coat would help if his dad saw him skipping school._

_He hated school; there were no two ways around it. There wasn't even _one_ way around it, it just sat there and threw big words at him like "dyslexia", "attitude problems", "disciplinary action". Some teachers scared him, some were scared _of _him because his dad was a governor of the school and notoriously bad-tempered._

_So, he skipped school, faked notes and lied through his teeth to persuade everyone that nothing was wrong. But then; what _was_ wrong? _

_He didn't know. There was just this big bundle of feelings inside him that couldn't find an outlet, swirling around and making him sulky and bad-tempered. More than anything else in the world, he just wanted everything to go back to how it had been when he was little._

_It seemed that everyone else he met here felt the same; why else would they frequent a play area, kidding themselves that cultivating a silent, moody exterior, spreading cigarette ash on the soft ground and scribbling graffiti on the slides would somehow show their maturity and angst to the world? All it did, Ray thought, was show that same world a group of children who couldn't handle change._

_The swing next to him creaked loudly as someone sat on it and started swinging very slowly, little more than the distance gained by dragging both feet backwards and forwards. Ray opened his eyes and looked at his fellow truant as he swung past; a quick, fleeting, careless look that took in two-shaded hair, dark eyes and pale skin without registering._

_"Ray?" Hearing his name, Ray slammed both feet on the ground to bring the swing to an abrupt stop and swung his tight braid over his shoulder as he turned in response._

_"Yeah?" His eyes widened. "Kai?" The boy nodded and abruptly put all his strength into swinging. Within seconds of Ray's shocked question, Kai was soaring almost level with the bar, his body bending horizontally to push himself even higher. Positions reserved, Ray sat, stirring the dust with his foot and making the swing move slightly from side to side. His foot slid unexpectedly and the swing was jerked violently sideways, only just moving in time to avoid Kai as he zoomed backwards. Both boys gasped softly, adrenalin flashing through their veins, but the troublemaker in Ray, the part that had made him taste his first cigarette just yesterday and truant every day that week and several preceding it, sat up and shouted with delight. _

_He started to swing from side to side, timing it perfectly each time through a combination of sheer luck and a good eye for angles. He grinned at Kai, who turned his head, hair in complete disarray, and grinned back. _

_They swung companionably for what felt like a long time, risking being thrown off with every swing, every possible, thudding connection. Gradually, the swings slowed; the stamina of the two newly teenage boys unaccustomed to exercising unfamiliar muscles for hours on end._

_"Wish we'd talked more last time." Ray said at last, looking at the black, spongy floor rather than Kai. "You know. When we were talking on the phone and your grandfather came along and-"_

_"Yeah, yeah, I remember. Shut up already." Kai was twitching uneasily, his eyes beginning the paranoid circuit of his surroundings that Ray still remembered clearly from their first face-to-face meeting. The urge to ask Kai why he was so nervous all the time swelled in Ray's throat like a physical lump, but he swallowed it down and said nothing, hoping that the atmosphere would return to the silent yet friendly, understanding one from before he had so stupidly opened his mouth._

_----------_

Ray rolled his eyes and sank his head even further into his hands, tugging at the hair that had somehow come loose from his bandana and now lay in sweaty strings that were pressed tightly between his face and palms. It was funny, in that nostalgic kind of way that all childhood incidents seemed funny years afterwards; the way that he had accepted that Kai was different without a fuss. That kind of easy acceptance was supposed to stop once a child hit puberty, not to reappear when said child, or teen, was going through a "phase" of being disobedient, wasn't it? That acceptance, along with gaining Kai's initial, tentative friendship, had been so easy. It had given him false impressions, really.

Not everything was that easy, where Kai was concerned. Most things were, to be frank, _hard_. This was by no means their first argument.

So why, then, did it feel like their worst?

* * *

Well, there we go, people!! Please, please review, I need all the support I can get for this fic! Bye for now! hopefully I'll be back a little sooner than before ...

xIlbx


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